Buttons
After I reacted in childish, unpleasant displeasure to something recently, my mum commented to me that I have to grow up. Specifically, that I learn not to react when people push my buttons, even if they are really close to me, cos that would give them too much power, and I'll never be able to be fully in control of my life. Certainly it's something I've heard before, "don't let people push your buttons", but not anything that I thought would apply to my own life. But, coming as it does in the context of recent weeks' discussions on moving out, being independent vs being dependent, vs interdependence (as in staying at home cos you need your family but conversely your family also benefits from your unique presence) the comment has made me wonder whether I've still got a ways to go. This is a fundamental thing - I haven't grown up, not because I don't live on my own, but because in many situations I let circumstances or other people dictate what's going to happen. It can be anything from what time we leave the house, to how often I eat, to when I get angry. Recently my anger has been a defense mechanism - I get angry to avoid loss of control, to avoid hurt - but am I the real loser when I get angry? As Yoda wisely said, "Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate... leads to suffering." Yes there are times to put my foot down, times I should get angry, at other people, at myself; but when I get angry, sometimes the wrong people suffer.
posted by Puz @ 11:33 PM
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